Hi world,
I’m Dora. I was (and sometimes still am) a depressed person. I decided to write this blog for myself and whoever needs another story. A steady place to always come back and continue the battle. (when it will be ended I will probably be either enlightened or physically dead.)
It’s not easy to write about myself. Not easy for me to tell my story to everybody. Online writing is like exposing myself to the judgement of everybody. And who wants to be judged? Nobody. We all expect understanding.
I was a regular girl raised in a communist country. I loved my father, who passed away when I was 19. I didn’t get along with mom, she was never satisfied with who I was and this led to frustrations. I was not good enough for her. And always get the feeling I was not loved by her. (I cannot say for sure that I have managed to get over this, even though so many things happened since.)
Sometimes I was successful and sometimes I failed badly, like everybody else on this planet. But somehow, probably due to my own way of being, I kept alive only the bad things.
I fell in love with a person who was too scared to continue our dream and abandoned me. I had a job in a small company, with 2 bosses who appreciated me till one day when, out of the blue, they said I’m not good enough.
These are all small things that happen to everyone. But we are not all alike. Some people manage to get over bad situations pretty easy. I didn’t.
One day I met my future husband. A good man who loved me and was a true friend to me. After two years I gave birth to a wonderful boy, C. And I loved him. A lot. A LOT.
We were living in a 3 rooms apartment, with my mom. When my son was 6 months old I went back to work, leaving him with my mom. I had to work, right? I was gone from 8 to 6 or 7 in the evening. I will always blame myself for leaving my child to be practically raised by my mother and not by me. I was at work.
Like any child, C had frequent colds, which is why I use to give him lots of natural remedies to strengthen his immunity. (Later on I was blaming myself again, for, perhaps, giving him too many.)
And when he was almost 7 years old he was diagnosed with leukemia. He did chemo and after 2 months he passed away.
This is what happened. This is what triggered my depression.
How I got out of it, that’s another story. And this blog is going to record everything, good and bad.
I will always love you!
…
P.S. This is just another blog of another regular girl. A place to write down my thoughts in the hope that some day I will understand life and then relax.
I haven’t yet.
But I will keep on writing and analyzing anyway. Maybe one day…